Why run? why wake up so early? why do we make our bodies suffer through the misery of an early morning run? I ask myself this every time my alarm goes off; today it went off at 5.46am. I curse my past self that had the grand idea of waking up early, the idea of running to feel refreshed, the past self that got excited that today I would beat my alarm. I hate that perky naïve person who forgets daily that mornings are bad, my body doesn’t like mornings and torments me with headaches and weird ailments in its attempts to get me back into the warmth of my bed. Most days it wins but today it didn’t. There are a few reasons why today I beat my alarm and went for a run.
1. My phone was on my desk. When the alarm went off, I was forced to get out of the sanctity of warmth and cuddles. I had to feel my way around the dark cluttered room, hoping I wouldn’t trip on an eyebrow pencil that had dropped earlier that night, from a very small brown box that is now our bedside table.
2. Setting my alarm at 5.46am instead on 5.45am. My brain enjoys multiples of 5, so if I set my alarm to 5.45am, it thinks. . . Oo we could just sleep and extra 5 minutes and then it would be 5.50am and then 5.55am and this cycle would repeat and carry on until 6.30am sometimes 8:00am. However, today, as I said earlier my alarm was set to 5.46am; after the impossible mission of getting my phone and turning my alarm off, I proceeded back to our bed. By the time I got back into bed, I noticed it was already 5.47am wtf! I proceeded to set the alarm to 5.50am, but, 3 minutes just seem like far less time than 5 minutes, so I spent the 2 minutes thinking that the 3 minutes were not long enough for a snooze. I could have put the alarm to 5.55am but that just seems like a lot of time! And I couldn’t just snooze my initial 5.46am alarm because then I would have to wake up at 5.51am which is WORSE! Because I said my body loves multiples of 5.
3. My husband was coming on a run with me. My aim in life, well since last week is to wake up earlier than him, so I can brush my teeth and my hair and so that he never sees me looking too horrendous! Also having someone you are accountable to, is always good. Knowing that there is someone out there equally suffering and torturing themselves somehow feels better. Misery really does love company.
So, at 5.49am I reluctantly got back out of bed, remembered why I wake up so early and got my day started. This is not my first nor is it my last attempt to get up early. I watch a lot of YouTube videos where people bet their lives and souls on the fact that rich people are rich because you guessed it, they wake up early, and as I am sure you have already guessed, I too, am on a mission to having more money than Bill Gates. So why not try to wake up the same time and do the same thing these people do. As I said before, the smartest thing in life is to copy the person you most want to be like and other than the Tesla man, they all wake up early!
Other than wanting to be rich and successful, I wake up early and stay in shape so that Jack, still has the woman that he married. It’s so easy to think that because you are married you should ‘let yourself go’ it easy to become comfortable because you know that someone will always be there and of course your husband/wife will stay with you (sometimes). However, that’s no way to live! We make more of an effort for strangers than we do those close to us, all they get to see is Mrs frumpy pants with no makeup and tangled greasy hair. The people that love us the most get the worst bits of us and I don’t want to do that anymore. My husband deserves better than that, I don’t want to wake up in 40 years and think how did I let myself go this much! I don’t want my husband to fantasise about the person I used to be, fit, healthy, driven, positive. Perhaps as it is just the start of our marriage I may not have a realistic expectation, however, I want to create these habits that will hopefully last me a lifetime and lead to the success of our marriage. Marriage, I have come to realise in the last week, is where you have to work harder to look and feel good, where you unleash all of you not just the worst of you, but the best of you also. As I said in this video, Jack, has the privilege of seeing me at my worst but he should also have the honour of seeing me at my very best, seeing the hard work that no one gets to see, seeing the effort I put in only for him, I want him to feel like the King he is every day.
I want him to feel like he is married to a Queen that loves herself enough to go for a run, to feel beautiful, to take care of herself. Ultimately, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, smelling nice and staying in shape are the bare basics that make me feel comfortable with myself. I can give him all of me without feeling self-conscious or insecure because my basics are in check.
I used to hate waking up and having him kiss me because I was insecure about morning breath, so why not change it? I found that I used to be so insecure about myself, I would project my insecurities onto him, I would wonder why he would like someone this unhealthy, someone who doesn’t look after their body or their mind. I now realise that he may love me no matter what, but I was listing the things I hated about myself at the time, I couldn’t love myself in those states. So now I work hard to ensure I don’t get into a state where I feel insecure, I love myself and so how can he not love? I do what I can to make myself feel better, I focus on the things I can physically and realistically change, I focus on the positives and try to forget the negatives or the bits that can’t be changed(like my bone structure).
So why do I run? I run so that my husband keeps the fit healthy woman he loves. I run so that I love the body I am in, I run so that this body I love so much can be strong enough to uphold me as I carry out my daily missions.
Why so early? Firstly, because that what billionaires do. Secondly, it’s the only time I have to ensure my daily maintenance checks are upheld before Jack wakes up.
So, today we ran, it was hard! but it was worth it.
Let’s hope I remember this tomorrow morning as the hell begins again!